Adrian's The Bullet Train Guide to be Heavy
Introduction
You might ask, Adrian you are not fat, how to write a guide? That is true, but I am heavy. Notice the subtle difference between fat and heavy. Fat means bloated, like a puffer fish and your lumps bounce during walking. Lumps on the stomach or legs that is, we do not mind good lumps. Heavy means you can have a normal body, only that you have this thing called weight and an acceptable BMI. And being heavy prevents stretch marks, being fat fast means having stretch marks all over ur body. Not good if you wanna wear little cloth.
One: Old Chang Kee
Go across the street during training and buy some old chang kee products! They are cheaper than outside, and it tastes good! usually the food will be sold out at 9pm, thus go slightly earlier, like during water break. for extra challenge, buy everything on the shelf man, and treat the team so everyone can accompany you during your get heavy campaign.
Two: Eat den sleep
After training, fast fast go home, bath and eat dinner! Must be completed in sequence, cos you need to wait for your hair to dry. Then after eat dinner, your hair is dried already and now, fast fast go sleep! This is the super orgasmic way to get heavy man..you will feel super happy. This is especially good for those muggers who rarely have a good night sleep, you will feel super accomplished!
Three: Footlong sub
Subway's sandwiches got the footlong one. Instead of going old chang kee to buy food, you can go subway which is just beside OCK. Buy the footlong sandwich but do not get the meal! Remember your student card for discount..this is much more worth it than buying the normal 6-inch sub. For extra oomph, go for subs like meatball, turkey, chicken teriyaki. You will defeat the purpose if you buy stuff like veggie delight. -.- totally a turn off. Subway is healthy too thus you will not feel guilty. Try to finish the footlong sub, you can eat it thru out training (outside of the gym) and remember not to 'f***ing throw your food waste in the gym' hahahaha.
Four: Running and swimming is wrong
Why burn off money? You see, food is bought using money, and by running or swimming, you are burning off the food, thus burning off money. But you need to be fit while getting heavy, thus continue to eat and climb. Just climb. Correct de, you can firm up the arms and thighs that was fattened. Imagine those firm arms and hot legs like Mei Fen's. They can be yours too! Still no firm legs? Rally all the engineers in the team, we have like 584 engineers here. Big team hor? Anyway get their timetables and escort each one of us up the Engineering Slope. Inclined at an angle of 30 degrees, escorting everyone of us up for a week can give you those Mei Fen's Legs! They can be yours too!
Five: Ice cream hurhur
Ice cream during training, ice cream tub while studying, ice cream for breakfast, ice cream on bus..eat it wherever you go! If you're rich, go buy Ben and Jerry's. If not..just a local brand will do. Remember to bring some to the gym to share so we can share your guilt. If you start to uh-wekkk (vomit), oh man..you have just hit the sweet spot. Ignore the puke and ice cream foaming at your mouth and continue eating! Spartan training yo. After sometime, it will be totally normal to foam and eat ice cream at the same time, ie the l33t ice cream eater haha.
Conclusion
You will surely have a lot of fun eating behind coach's back during training. It is like satisfying your curiousity. Satisfaction will be attained especially for step two. Once you attained satisfaction, continue step two but in a higher intensity, like sleep longer! Remember to share your food hor. Being underweight has its consequences and really, the.threat.is.real.
